just walk away

the audio in this isn’t the best but i thought the video and the scenes were too precious to sacrifice for the addition drumbeats in the background. i didn’t quite get the video at first– how can such a melancholic song be accompanied by a beginning so sweet? but there’s some half-painful irony here– how she clasps the flower so close, singing about someone so far; how she’s torn between hope and protecting her heart. sigh i keep reminding myself this is HSM for goodness sake but the (over) glamourisation still never fails to get to me– there’s just something pretty enchanting about living in a house with an open-air balcony (whereyoucanshoutyourfrustrationsaway), climbable trees, warm lights and mantelpieces.

p.s. i wonder if Nicholas Carr was right (his book– the shallows: what the internet is doing to our brains) and we are really becoming too cognitively flitty, too used to hopping from little-blue-underlined-hyperlink to hyperlink and so much so that we cannot think deep. even my writing has taken on a subtly choppy edge like the online simulation we get now.

is it time to walk away


ticking tocking time

a new clock has made its home on my desk– a startlingly big bright pink one which shouts the time in thick bold font. its quite a contrast to my previous clock, a mild one which flashed the time occasionally, and when you tilt your head just slightly to the right, the time fades away.

my clock has gotten bigger. my time has gotten scarcer. all of our lives speed by swifter. sometimes now, even writing leaves my with a tinge of guilt and its not nice. back in rgs, you could tell the ‘more responsible ones’ (no not really just a myth) from those less so by whether or not they wore a watch. wearing a watch implies punctuality, conformity (to the school bell) and all those time-related values. i myself have hardly pass a day without a watch strapped to my wrist– hahaha not trying to imply anything but i wonder how it’d be like to live without time’s keeper.

can you imagine how days passed before time was created? when the sun kept time pacing rounds in the sky and and minutes literally blended into hours. i feel a glimpse of that whenever i travel to the countryside– and even in bintan. slightly prickly-queer, strangely liberating.

thinking about time reminded me of this book i saw at kino a year or so ago (thank google)– i’m gonna read it soon!

Time is a “thing” that cannot be grasped, yet which undoubtedly exists. It is a “thing” which everybody speaks of but no one has seen. We see, hear, feel, taste IN time, but not time itself. We are sure we are grounded in physical reality, but it is Chronos — the Greek god of time, said to have ruled the world before Zeus — whose strange principles shape our existence. To confront time, we must approach it carefully, “peeling away” its mysteries one by one, distinguishing it from its various side-effects: duration, memory, movement, speed, repetition. Clocks do not necessarily measure time, for time continues even when we think it is running out. Time may carry us along in its flow, but it is a constant. It exists independently of we who observe it, who live through it, who grow old and die in it.

Today, the boldest look at time, and perhaps the most disconcerting, is provided by physicists. Scientists from Galileo to Einstein, and now in the era of anti-matter and superstrings, wrestle with the mind-blowing questions which time raises: Did time precede the universe? How did it start? Can we reverse its flow? Do several “times” exist in time?

emotions and feelings

Nico Fridja wrote that emotions and feelings are different. (check out his  book The Laws of Emotion!)

Emotions are raw, beyond our control– they arise spontaneously and have a physiological base. Because of that, they are inherently more obvious to others. When we’re happy dopamine, serotonin kicks in and we can’t help but smile, if not a cheerful grin, maybe a subtle crinkle of the eyes. When we’re afraid, it’s adrenaline and that basal fight-flight instinct that fuels fear. Same for sorrow, anger and shame (yes believe it or not).

So those are emotions. Neurochemical fluctuations in our brains that we supposedly can’t help but show.

Feelings are broader, cognitive-based, and consequently much easier to hide. “We are not suddenly hijacked by our feelings as we are by out emotions.” Guilt, anxiety, jealously, indignation, helplessness– these are feelings, and the list goes on. Humans have always been able to mask, moderate and channel our feelings better than our emotions; to slap on a facade and assure the world we’re fine.

But I feel (feel!), that this distinction is soon becoming history. Who hasn’t seen a person smile through tears or face off fear? What happens then, when we learn to mask our emotions?

Robert Coles and the Moral Life

just wow.

So much talk of morality today is marked by aggression and self-righteousness, but Robert Coles speaks in a gentler and deeper moral voice.

When six-year-old Ruby Bridges was jeered, threatened, and hated—for wanting to go to school in segregated New Orleans in the early sixties—she received a request from a young child psychiatrist named Robert Coles. He wanted to know what the little girl was thinking and feeling. They talked to each other over several months, and the deeper their conversation went, the more Coles was surprised.

“She once told me she felt sorry for those people who were trying to kill her,” Coles says. “I asked her, ‘You feel sorry for them?’ And she looked at me and said, ‘Well, don’t you think they need feeling sorry for?’ Talk about wisdom! And talk about moral intuition. I sat there stunned. I was applying standard psychology, trying to help her realize that she was maybe angry at these people, and bitter and anxious, and she was telling me that she prayed for them. I was struck dumb and I was silent, because I had to reflect upon this child’s wisdom. She was smart enough to understand, without taking courses in the social sciences or other fields of inquiry, what happens to people.”

full article here! http://www.mindful.org/at-home/parenting/robert-coles-and-the-moral-life :) incredibly interesting– doesn’t just talk about the incident above (in fact that’s only the intro), it delves into the rich life of a sincere, honest, humble and intelligent gentleman.

thoughts off the tip of my head

1. receiving results is always nerve-wracking but receiving results for major exams seems (logically) even scarier. people-watched with jun hao today while waiting for our ‘leaders for a better age’ interview and it’s just wow to see them receive it– the pre-anticipation, moment of truth, followed by the unadulterated fist pump or sinking disappointment. :/ it was almost terrifying to watch and i can hardly imagine me doing the same, 2 years from now. :O

2. i wish i had more time, more hours in a day.

3. music is lovely.

4. friends are easy to make but hard to maintain. :/

5. dang i want to do too many things but no focusing focusing on violin and taekwondo first it’s just– there’re so many cool things in this world.. maybe being an immortal sparkly vampire isn’t so bad after all hahaha :)