taking a break from studying to reflect- so many intense conversations in the past few days. friendship, responsibility, leading separate lives together. i always thought that the older you grow the harder it was to make friends, simply because of how much there is to catch up on. if 20 years of life takes hours- how about 30, 40, 50? who is patient enough to sit through it; then again, is that past even important for a current friendship?

on a different note i think i’m starting to figure out a balance between the company of a few and a lot, between speaking and listening, the trivial and the deep. i used to not really care about what people thought (random interlude: a quote which resonated with me “i missed the lesson where they taught us that we had to care about what others’ think!?” from a british friend – was quite surprised. is their typical expressiveness and sociability a result of caring too much or not at all? being self-conscious about what you say/ the way you say it, refining your comments to one others appreciate etc can translate to a typical extraverted personality, but – i just realised – so can not caring much about what others think. isn’t it interesting that two highly divergent paths can converge in similar results? methods of being in the limelight aside, i do still think sincerity is the key to friendship)

also points from two close friends:

  • sometimes all someone needs is a listening ear, not opinions or solutions. just a listening ear. i feel like this should require little effort, but it ironically takes more from me- more restraint, more patience, more understanding
  • you can’t save everybody- who will you fight for? also, what makes a friend?
  • the ever important distinction between being alone and lonely
  • emotional expression is not a weakness
  • don’t bury your head in sand; it’s never too late to change course

thank you both – one for never giving up, seeing right through my defences, and pushing in against a growling me (only on hindsight am i able to appreciate it hahaha, oh the indignance i felt then) and the other for accidentally barreling into my life and finding enough here to stay.


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