presence and absence

my teacher said to be a molecular biologist is to give your life to it– from 4 hour intervals observation recordings, to experiments done in 4 degrees

to write though, (not even to be a writer), is to give time and effort and energy and strength and cognition in the middle of the night

i had so many things to say i had nothing to say at all, and perching here half an hour ago with choked thoughts and half-formed ideas, i closed my browser after a minute

and then i saw this.

“Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, from “The Little Prince

a quote borrowed from my friend’s blog and something i carelessly (painfully, effortfully) cast to the back of my mind leaps back out. sigh humans alone (i think) can project their thoughts into the future, play out scenarios, imagine actions-reactions-actions. both a boon and a bane. i like to imagine i know, i know the outcome of this. i almost wish i did. the lure of the crystal ball tugs-of-war with the weight of knowledge that trembles on the edge of knowing. i tremble with indecision.

indecision! dither, flounder, vacillate, waver: all the SATS synonyms in the world can’t explain this shuffling. we must dig deep to find i think, be brave.

let’s be brave.


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