veneers to mask fragility; strength to mend the cracks

Feeling a little wistful and slightly resigned… though I understand today was no one’s fault, and the shattering of camaraderie was actually (ironically) good intentions in disguise.

Good intentions! We have the strength to mend these cracks, if only we learn. :)

I’ve always believed in free will so I guess I’m a little wary of paternalism. Especially  paternalistic behaviour towards a fellow friend and thinking human being >< I don’t know what to think– the very definition of paternalism is “for your own good” and done with the person’s best interest at heart! How can such a noble motive be anything but positive? But oh, it is because of these great intentions that paternalism is so easily warped… A game of “do THIS its good for you”, slipping into a game of force, shielded by these very same intentions. Where do we draw the line? Can’t we ever trust our friends to make the best possible decisions for themselves?

The only 2 times I have ever deliberately ignored a friend was because I wanted them to grow up. To make good, thinking decisions for themselves and stand on their own two feet. I trusted them enough not to mollycoddle them. And goodness this  sounds cliche, but I truly believed, then and now, that it was for the greater good ><


Life as a human is all about balance. When we teetered on indecision, it was because none of us wanted to make a choice that may hurt another party. I think its beautiful. Without a single word, we knew we cared for each other, cared enough to give them a say. But its terrifying, and awfully sad when such wavering ends up dividing us, each going our separate ways, shackled by our inability to reach a consensus. Didn’t they say consensus is the key to moving forward as a team? Indecision ruined Hamlet, let it not ruin us too.

I’m not saying we steamroll over each other’s emotions– though ironically we do do so, albeit in our eagerness to please (?) one another. What I believe we need, is honest open discussion, flexibility, and a willingness to give and take. To say, inconvenience some so that others benefit. More often than not, the party that is inconvenienced doesn’t mind! When we act based on our own assumptions, I think we may end up making the wrong decisions. I too have my share of misguided assumptions translating into unnecessary (though good-willed) actions that hinder more than help. Hahaha so trust me– listen to others’ opinion, they matter too.

Groupthink is another trap too easy to slip into. Mmm this kinda reminds me of RGS’ prefectorial board selection camp, where we spent the first half-hour awkwardly drifting through the tasks, completing them yes, but just barely. All because no one wanted to step forward and take the lead. There is such a strangely horrid stigma against being The Leader – and by extension, making tough decisions – that very few want to step up to the plate to call the shots, to state the painfully obvious, or make a firm decision. >< So we end up sitting around (drifting through the tasks) avoiding the elephant in the room, glazing over the discomfort with a sheen of veneer. A sheen of veneer too thin to do anything but reflect the uneasy atmosphere– courteous conversations melding with small bursts of checked laughter. Stepping forward takes great great moral courage. Do we have that in us?

At the end of the day, I think it really is intentions that shine through and touch others around. That we have wonderful intentions is an amazing start and I’m hopeful =^^= We don’t have to yell our intentions, we just need to show them through actions. Making an effort mean caring enough to do so, and care touches people. Building a friendship requires give and take… it requires finding, or even creating shared interests and experiences! If say I’m bad at tennis, it doesn’t mean I don’t turn up for a game with my friend. I may get owned to the moon and back hahaha but I care enough to turn up and give this passion of hers a shot (hehe pun intended). I think we’ll be even better friends after that– at the very least we have the shared experience of laughing over my failness hahaha! x)

Small actions over a consistent period of time build great relationships. :) And I believe we have the strength to mend these cracks! #leggo ;D


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