being edward cullen… or not.

10/1/2013 was such an exhausting but fulfilling day. :’)

buying new school uniforms, collecting our Os results (and the corresponding sadness/joy/resignation/relief from the 400 people in the hall), fiamily, house practice, house camp planning, ks chee hobo-ing, night surprise! 2 lines to sum up the entire day :)

house prac was so much fun! i slipped in through the back door of the hall, and ran to hug my juniors and suddenly “hey guys look, we have a special guest, our last year house captain! let’s say hiiiii” i felt the weight of 117 pairs of intelligent, impressionable but judging eyes on me, and i had to suppress a jolt of shyness before grinning and waving back. interacting with them was almost a new experience all over again, after spending the entire holidays with my friends x) but one that i quickly eased into. :) the year 1s were lovely– lively and enthusiastic and just the teeniest bit fangirl-ly. i tried to imagine myself back in year 1, looking at my year 5 senior in admiration– but while it’s easy to imagine looking up to my seniors, it’s hard to imagine myself being looked-up to at all. which leads me to my next paragraph! but before that, it’s a huge responsibility to be the head of anything, but very rewarding :) as captain i feel responsible for my seniors’ expectations, my juniors, my house comm, the hadley year 1s, all the year 1s, and ultimately, the school. being a leader means you look out for more than your own well-being, and suddenly your vision, your goals, shift towards the larger picture; your heart in addition to your mind has to expand to take in and feel for and love. we want to let the house commers understand this, hence house comm camp. :) really hope we’ll be successful!

we’ll only ever live in one body– our own. and one of the mysteries of life– how do other people see you? stems from that simple fact. sometimes when two hearts connect, through speech through actions through writing, we are able to gain a glimpse, sneak a peek. :) but mostly, that remains a mystery. i think it’s good, really :) look at that mind-reading vampire in twilight– it’s a cool superpower yes, but interactions lose their point and the truth may not be as pretty as we like to imagine. this mystery gives us the option of shaping our world however way we like it, be it seeing the good in others and trusting them, or the complete opposite– always doubting, thinking everyone’s out to get you.

but sometimes, mmm i’m just so curious to know what other people are thinking!! whether the thoughts flickering behind the hundreds of blank faces on the mrt are deep thoughts or mundane thoughts… whether my friends think like i do or don’t give a damn to the world outside their bubble… how am i viewed? how can i improve? :) improvements aside i guess i just don’t wanna accidentally hurt anyone >< sometimes i search for the longest time to find the right words to say something, or don’t say it at all. solving the mystery renders my filters redundant. :) but i guess solving the mystery isn’t the only way! i have great people to whom i can say almost anything (and i hope they feel the same way!) because i know they won’t judge me.

that’s the magic of people, to counter the mysteries of life. :) i don’t need to live in another body, and i don’t wish to read anyone’s minds, we only need to connect.

do you catch a breath when i look at you


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